No post since mid-last week. We had a 4-day holiday in celebration of Eid Ul Fitr, this marks the end of Ramadan. Now we are back to regular office timings. I will miss my afternoons with Baby RL. So I spent every waking (and half-asleep) moment with him while I can. I loved it.
Anyway, I was depressan-depressan over the holiday. I am not going into the details cause just thinking about it make my tummy aches. I am in a situation that I will suffer for the next months and will probably be carried over til next year, at the rate this is snowballing, probably til next, next year. This is not even my blunder. I will never put myself in this position. But as the magulang and sole provider I will be carrying this burden. I cannot imagine the stupidity, the audacity and lack of common sense that brought me this. I should have seen it coming. I lived with this "thinking" for most of my life. When I worked abroad and thought that if I make padala monthly, I would be helping. Apparently my generosity was taken that as an incentive to be more stupid and precarious.
I have not slept well in days. I fell asleep calculating, I woke up calculating, I drive computing payment plans, I have filled pages of my notebook with numbers. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I scraped, deprived myself for years, only to pay off something I did not spend. Initially the number was manageable. I was already prepared to tighten our budget and pay it off the next months. Then more numbers came up. I was overwhelmed. The interest alone will bleed me. So I borrowed money. For the first time in 6 years in the UAE, I borrowed money. Then over the weekend, more bad news came. The figure is now 6 digits and 3 times what I was initially told. I felt like the rug was pulled under me and I cannot steady myself. This time the minimum payment required is 5 digits. Fees and charges alone is the monthly budget for my baby. I cried then I threw up.
There goes the next two years. There goes the savings for our annual vacation, there goes my baby's bunyag, there goes the iPad, there goes my budget for my baby's nursery, there goes the trips we planned with the baby, there goes the new black shoes I need badly for work.
Unfortunately this is not the end of this saga, lies and omissions are still there. This is causing a pit in my stomach. The unknown. Not knowing how much more is out there and accumulating interest.
Is it so hard to live within your means? How come you do not know where it went? Oh. My. God. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Anyway, I was depressan-depressan over the holiday. I am not going into the details cause just thinking about it make my tummy aches. I am in a situation that I will suffer for the next months and will probably be carried over til next year, at the rate this is snowballing, probably til next, next year. This is not even my blunder. I will never put myself in this position. But as the magulang and sole provider I will be carrying this burden. I cannot imagine the stupidity, the audacity and lack of common sense that brought me this. I should have seen it coming. I lived with this "thinking" for most of my life. When I worked abroad and thought that if I make padala monthly, I would be helping. Apparently my generosity was taken that as an incentive to be more stupid and precarious.
I have not slept well in days. I fell asleep calculating, I woke up calculating, I drive computing payment plans, I have filled pages of my notebook with numbers. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I scraped, deprived myself for years, only to pay off something I did not spend. Initially the number was manageable. I was already prepared to tighten our budget and pay it off the next months. Then more numbers came up. I was overwhelmed. The interest alone will bleed me. So I borrowed money. For the first time in 6 years in the UAE, I borrowed money. Then over the weekend, more bad news came. The figure is now 6 digits and 3 times what I was initially told. I felt like the rug was pulled under me and I cannot steady myself. This time the minimum payment required is 5 digits. Fees and charges alone is the monthly budget for my baby. I cried then I threw up.
There goes the next two years. There goes the savings for our annual vacation, there goes my baby's bunyag, there goes the iPad, there goes my budget for my baby's nursery, there goes the trips we planned with the baby, there goes the new black shoes I need badly for work.
Unfortunately this is not the end of this saga, lies and omissions are still there. This is causing a pit in my stomach. The unknown. Not knowing how much more is out there and accumulating interest.
Is it so hard to live within your means? How come you do not know where it went? Oh. My. God. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
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